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No Two Siblings Have the Same Parent

by Guest Contributor – J. J. Yusuf

(Photo Credit: Eli Ayeke)

They say no two siblings have the same parent.

For the longest time, I didn’t understand it. How can that be? We grew up in the same house. Ate the same food. Heard the same rules. Lived under the same roof.

But recently, I started to understand.

We don’t just grow up with our parents, we grow up with our version of them.

The first child meets two people who are still figuring it out. The last child meets two people who are tired, softer, stricter, richer, poorer, wiser, wounded, healed or sometimes all of it at once. One child meets a father chasing ambition. Another meets a father recovering from disappointment. One remembers a mother who was firm and fiery. Another remembers a mother who had learned to bend.

Same parents.
Different seasons.

And then there’s perspective.

The sensitive child remembers the tone.
The stubborn one remembers the discipline.
The observant one remembers the sacrifices.
The rebellious one remembers the restrictions.

Two siblings can sit in the same living room and walk away with completely different childhoods.

My brother says, “They were too hard on me.”
Me in shock says, “They were too easy on you.”
One felt unseen. Another felt smothered.

No two siblings have the same parent because no two siblings are the same person. We filter love, correction, silence, and presence differently. We interpret protection as control. We interpret freedom as neglect. We interpret sacrifice as pressure.

And sometimes, we only understand this when we grow older and realize:

Our parents were evolving in real time.
And so were we.

It doesn’t mean someone is lying about their experience.
It doesn’t mean someone is ungrateful.
It just means perspective is powerful.

Same house.
Different lenses.
Different memories.
Different truths.

Maybe maturity is realizing that your sibling’s story doesn’t cancel yours, it just exists alongside it.

And maybe healing begins when we stop arguing about who had it “harder” and start acknowledging that we were all navigating imperfect love the best way we knew how.

J.J.Yusuf

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Don’t Miss the Obvious

Imagine a wife, who after 50 years of marriage, is not convinced her husband loves her. This scenario is quite possible for any number of reasons, valid or not. You can also love a person who is not able to receive love. During this month of love, some people struggle with the fact that they don’t have a significant other to love or love them back. It can be easy to forget that we are loved by the ultimate source–God, whether or not we have a valentine. We can miss the fact that God’s love is evident in our lives every single day.

The following conversation occurred between God and His chosen people in the book of Malachi chapter one: “I have loved you,” says the Lord. “Yet you say, ‘In what way have You loved us?’” (1:2) God loved them, but they missed it. They did not believe God loved them.

We can know intellectually that God loves us, but not really feel it. Pain and disappointment can cause us to ask questions. How can we take comfort in the love of God if we don’t feel loved? What if circumstances seem to say that God is ignoring us, that He has abandoned us to our own pain, and that He is deliberately withholding from us what He could so easily grant?

God wants to remind us that His love is present and available. It’s up to us to not miss it. There are many benefits to being loved by God. We can overlook the little things and take them for granted, but our very existence speaks to the love God has for us. The fact that He wakes us up is reason enough to be grateful. The ultimate proof of God’s love is in the giving of His Son, Jesus. Whether we’re single or happily married, may each of us experience the depth of God’s unfailing love for us!

(Photo by Mohamed Hassan from PxHere)

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Dressed For Success

(Photo credit: Natan Karnushin)

Dressing up is not just for Halloween. People dress up for church, work or special occasions. Students dress up for career day at school to represent their desired future occupation. As youngsters, we would dress in costumes, but there are also adult costume parties. Wearing a costume can allow us to be someone we are not. For a brief period we’re a superhero, doctor, construction worker, pilot or police officer. When the outfit comes off, though, it’s back to reality.

Coming outside in costume is not necessarily a bad thing. I could be having a very difficult day, but put on my best clothes to project positivity and improve my mood. You could be without a dollar in your pocket, but look like a million bucks. There may be times when we can’t afford to dress how we would like, but we do the best we can. No matter our age, our clothing says a lot about us. Our appearance can make the difference between acceptance or rejection; success or failure.

When we come into the world, someone else dresses us. As we get older, we learn to dress ourselves. If we live long enough, someone else will likely dress us. After we die, someone dresses us. When other people dress us, we may not like what they pick out for us. Undoubtedly, every parent has had resistance from a child over what he or she selected for them to wear. I have seen photos of myself as a young boy that have me wondering what my parents were thinking when they chose those outfits.

However, God dresses His children in the garment of praise in exchange for the spirit of heaviness. (Isaiah 61:3) His wardrobe is tailor-made for each one of us. It doesn’t matter if you’re a size 4 or 24; XS or 3XL. He has a walk-in closet, but you won’t walk out the same way you walked in. Isaiah 61:10 states, “For He hath clothed me with the garments of salvation.” He has taken away my filthy rags and exchanged them for clothes of liberty, deliverance and safety. I can take the tags off, because I never have to return the items.

Clothes are a covering and a form of protection. As long as we have God’s covering, we can’t lose. We’re dressed for success. His clothing for us is permanent and never wears out. It never goes out of style. The fabric doesn’t get shiny from wear. The colors don’t fade. Moths don’t eat it.

“[He] arrayed me in a robe of righteousness.” (v. 10b) A robe speaks of royalty, as worn by kings and queens. God wants to display His righteousness for the world to see. Have yourself a fashion show to showcase God’s handiwork!

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Unknown Features

The technician finished repairing and servicing my 20+ year old lawn tractor and instructed me to start it up. As I lifted my leg to sit down on the tractor seat, he said to me, “You don’t have to sit on it”. His statement puzzled me because for over two decades, that was the only way I knew to start the mower or keep the engine running after it was started. As a safety feature, the seat has to make contact with the sensor indicating a rider is on it. This prevents the mower from moving without a rider.

I knew from earlier dialogue with the technician that he had over 25 years of experience repairing mowers, including the model I own, so I listened to his instructions. He directed me to engage the clutch pedal and then move the speed control lever all the way to the end slot with the “P” on it, which is the parking brake. Then he told me to turn the key. Sure enough, the tractor started with me standing next to it. I’m mechanically inclined, but I didn’t know the mower even had a parking brake.

I began to think about all the times when my son was younger that I would call him outside to sit on the tractor to keep it running while I worked on another part of it. There were many other occasions when I put a cinder block on the seat so I could start my mower or keep it running without me sitting on it. Other days I had no choice but to let the engine cut off when I got out of the seat.

There are several lessons I learned from this experience. I can be using something for years and not know all the features it possesses. This amplified for me the importance of reading the manual thoroughly. I had read the manual when I purchased the machine, but do not recall ever seeing this feature. I still have the manual, so I checked it, and sure enough, it states, “the parking brake must be set if the operator leaves the seat with the engine running.” Not knowing what you have can lead to unnecessary weights, like sons and cinder blocks. This experience was also a reminder of trusting someone who knows more than I do. I could have resisted the technician’s instructions and not experienced anything new.

How many features in life am I missing the benefit of simply because I don’t know they exist? God has given us the manual of His Word, the Bible, but I have to read it thoroughly and clearly. “A wise person will hear and increase in learning, And a person of understanding will acquire wise counsel.” ~ Proverbs 1:5 (NASB)

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Schedule Time to Celebrate Others

Photo credit: Fauxels

When dying people were asked about their top regrets in life, some items consistently on all lists were:

  • Not pursuing dreams
  • Not taking care of self
  • Working too much at the neglect of family
  • Not spending time with significant people
  • Not staying in touch with others
  • Holding on to bitterness
  • Not enjoying life more

There will be things that happen in 2025 that are out of your control, but there are also some things that won’t happen unless you make them happen. Instead of anticipating the negative, how about scheduling something positive? How about changing something you can control?

While you’re scheduling that doctor’s appointment, hair or nail appointment, parent-teacher conference, or dinner reservation, include a slot to celebrate someone who’s had a significant impact on your life. People will remember what you do to honor and celebrate them. Luke 5:27-29 tells of a reception Levi (Matthew) gave to honor Jesus. Over 2000 years later, this story is still being told. One of the things that should be on our to-do list for 2025 is honoring others. It leads to a life of fewer regrets.

Photo by August de Richelieu

We ought to celebrate the people who’ve done the most for us or mean the most to us. It may be a parent, sibling, friend, teacher, co-worker, or pastor. It doesn’t have to be their birthday or a special occasion. The people who are the recipients of the most should be the most grateful. Don’t let the fact that you can’t throw a big party keep you from celebrating. Do what you can do. You have a unique way of expressing appreciation to those who have blessed you.

Here are some of the benefits of celebrating:

  • Celebrating releases stress
  • Celebrating provides motivation
  • Celebrating recognizes excellence
  • Celebrating shows appreciation and acceptance
  • Celebrating builds energy
  • Celebrating provides a time of reflection

Dust off your stove (or call a caterer), open some sparkling grape juice, grab the significant people in your life and let the party begin!

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Please Throw In The Towel

There are many phrases we use regularly that I believe we misunderstand the meaning of. One such phrase is “throwing in the towel”. This phrase is common in our culture and music. We’re usually told not to throw in the towel. Throwing in the towel is presumed to be a negative thing—something to avoid at all costs. It’s believed to mean you’re giving up. People encourage us to not give up for any reason or under any circumstance.

I’m not suggesting we should give up or quit, I’m just suggesting we use a different metaphor. The term throwing in the towel comes from the sport of boxing. When a boxer is losing badly and his corner feels he can’t go on, they will throw in the towel as a signal for the referee to stop the fight.

The referee is supposed to know when a fight should be stopped, but they are not always aware. Sometimes the people who are supposed to protect you will let you get killed. We all need a “corner” to look out for us. I’m grateful for friends and family in my corner who come to my rescue when I can’t do anything for myself. A boxer can’t throw in the towel for himself. It has to come from the corner. A boxer doesn’t have a towel. All he has is his gloves (and they’re laced on). The act of throwing in the towel is always on behalf of someone else.

Spectators might want the fight to continue because they have money on it. They’re not concerned about what’s best for the boxer. Having a towel thrown in for you means you can live to fight another day. Throwing in the towel is an act of mercy. It means someone believes you’ve had enough. There’s nothing wrong with someone recognizing your breaking point. Every fight isn’t worth fighting. That doesn’t make you a quitter.

Credit: BBC

Some people will stand around and watch you die. I witnessed the aftermath of a bad car accident in which one of the cars was flipped on its roof. Instead of calling 911 or helping the victims, people started pulling out their cell phones and taking pictures and videos I presume to share on social media. I contend that we need more towel-throwers. We have enough shade-throwers. How about we raise up some more towel-throwers?

Jeremiah 38 tells the story of a man named Ebed-Melech who “threw in the towel” to save the life of the prophet Jeremiah. We can learn a great deal from his example as we look out for others. We may never know the impact of the lives we touch because we throw in the towel. The next time someone tells you not to throw in the towel, tell them, “I’m sorry, but I have to. There’s somebody who needs me. They’re in the fight of their life, and if I don’t, they may die.”

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A Lingering Aroma

A short time ago I assisted a friend with a home improvement project. The next day she returned to the job site to complete the work. She called to inform me that she could still smell the scent of my cologne (actually body lotion) in the room the next day and she was reminded of me. I’m happy to report that it was a pleasant aroma. 🙂

This caused me to think about how we leave the aroma of our presence everywhere we go. Hopefully other people’s remembrance of our presence is a positive one. We should make every place we are smell better.

We’re told in 2 Corinthians 2:14-15, “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us reveals the fragrance of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.” Those of us who are believers in Jesus should be drawing people to Him by our fragrance.

Kindness, compassion and love leave a pleasant aroma that is attractive to others like the scent of a pollinating flower is attractive to a bee or butterfly. People will remember we’ve been in a place by the lingering aroma we’ve left. Will that aroma be pleasing or repelling?

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After the Cutting

I recently had a number of trees removed from my property. I’ve had major damage to my house and some near misses from fallen trees, so this was a much needed, although expensive, undertaking. With the trees gone, so much more sunlight is visible from my windows and also available to my fledgling garden. I now have a clear view of things that were once obstructed.

Although the trees were cut down, the stumps still remained. Stump grinding is a separate service from tree removal. In life there is often residue after we cut out things or people. Reminders of what was previously there still remain. The trees in our lives can be bad habits or toxic relationships. They can be destructive behaviors or negative thinking.


Unless the stump is removed, nothing different can grow in that space. In some instances, new spouts from the tree that was cut down can emerge from the stump if it is not killed. It may be necessary for us to do some “stump grinding” in our personal spaces. Cutting down the problematic “trees” in our lives is a great first step, but let’s not stop there. Let’s remove the stumps so we can make room for new growth.

We cannot erase memories. However, there are times when we should remove physical reminders of things that once damaged us, but are now gone. It is easy to trip over stumps that are left behind after the cutting. Stump removal can be expensive, but it is an essential task in the tree removal process–even if we are not be able to do it all right away. Some of the stumps on my property have yet to be removed. But in the future, anyone looking at my yard will never know a tree once stood in the space currently occupied by a stump.

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Purpose in the Pain

After a recent surgical procedure, my doctor prescribed a strong medication to take as needed for the pain. I was also advised to avoid any activities that could potentially damage the incision area. I was hesitant to take the pills due to their addictive nature and the fact that I rarely take any type of medication. My tolerance for pain is very high, but I took the pills the first day because the pain was excruciating and it was difficult for me to move around. Later I thought that if I eliminate the pain and begin to move around, I could be causing damage to my body that I wouldn’t be aware of because I wouldn’t be able to feel it.

Admittedly, pain is unpleasant. However, pain is an indicator that something is wrong. My situation reminded me that we often avoid pain at all costs–whether the pain is physical or emotional, or we do whatever is necessary to dull or numb the pain. It’s like covering the warning lights on our vehicle dashboard. If we circumvent our warning system, we could be doing major damage to our vehicles (or ourselves) without ever knowing it. How many times have we numbed our pain only to repeat the same activities that caused the pain because we did not allow the pain to force us to make changes?

Stock image

Pain can also be a great teacher. We tend to grow more from painful experiences than we do from pleasant ones. Pain can cause us to make better decisions in the future. The writer of Psalm 119:71 confessed to God, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” God uses even our pain to conform us to who He wants us to be.

I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t take medication (especially something that is prescribed by our doctors as necessary) or seek counseling. We should. We just need to be certain that our strategies to cope with pain are not destructive. There is purpose in our pain. If we allow it to do its work, there can be healing after the pain.

Photo by Huseyn Naghiyev